The Dandies: Mars or Bust

Elon Musk (SpaceX) released his sixteen page proposal to get Mars populated — Making Humans a Multi-Planetary Species.

Understandably, the document doesn’t claim to have all the answers but first we have to get past the sticker shock.

“If we can get the cost of moving to Mars to be roughly equivalent to a median house price in the United States, which is around $200,000, then I think the probability of establishing a self-sustaining civilization is very high.”

Maybe Mr. Musk is just naive. Maybe he doesn’t realize that most people cannot afford a $200,000 house out-of-pocket. In 2016, the median US household income was $55,775. Sure, we’re in Canada, but we’re not much better off.

With Amazon’s latest acquisition, it may be time for The Dandies to gain corporate personhood and partner up. I’ve already started enquiries:

“Not everyone would want to go. In fact, probably a relatively small number of people from Earth would want to go, but enough would want to go who could afford it for it to happen.”

I was born ready for this trip. I’m willing to trade Earth’s creature comforts (like oxygen) for the lighter gravity, cooler temperatures, and fewer people in the karaoke queue!

“Given that Mars would have a labor shortage for a long time, jobs would not be in short supply.”

In addition to bringing our professional skills, we’ll supplement our income by being hobby farmers. We are already cultivating an array of succulents. I’m sure we can incorporate agave and other plants.

We might even open up our own place – The Barsoom Saloon!

  1. Local entertainment: Distraction is necessary, especially with the hardships of settling a new planet. Our shows will offer patrons storytelling, creative stimulation, and laughter.
  2. For those back home: we expect to be sponsored correspondents wearing devices to capture the moment. We’ll be able to provide an endless supply of content for Wikipedia, Buzzfeed, The Comedy Network, and Mars Funniest People.

Since this move will force governments to develop socio-economic solutions for Mars, it is only logical to declare a separate government for Mars. This will allow for a bill of rights and policies regarding quality of life. Before transnational corporations decide against humanity’s best interests, The Dandies will step up to lead the way — our platform: Laugh Long and Prosper.

Nasa: Bagnold Dunes (Mars)

* A GoFundMe is planned to make The Dandies the first interplanetary comedy troupe.

Update: I asked Mr. Musk if there was a Star Trek canon reason for the timeline